Eric's Tour of London

Introduction:
Before I start, I have to let everyone know that many Americans go to England expecting it to be easy because they're just like us. That isn't entirely accurate, and despite the language differences, which are minor, there are enormous cultural differences that are quite tangible. I have tried hard to explain them to no avail. Along comes Jane Walmsley with a book called Brit-Think, Ameri-Think which explains it all nicely and the reasons behind it. It's rather witty yet entirely accurate. Follow the aforementioned link to Amazon and buy it. It's a fantastic book.

I walk or take tube almost everywhere and so should you – it's cheap, easy, and convenient. There is no need for a cab 99% of the time. You'll need a one week (7 day) travelcard for zones 1 and 2 (if you will frequent other zones you may buy more zones of course -- and in fact if you're going to visit zone 3 more than once, just get a three zone card instead of two) which is around £23 and well worth it, since all trip charges are distance based.

On arrival to the airports LHR or LGW take the train (Heathrow Express to Paddington Station or Gatwick Express to Victoria Station) into the city and then cab it to your hotel. Make sure you use a licensed cab at a taxi stand or your run the very real risk of being ripped off or robbed. THE TUBE IS NOT WELL SUITED FOR YOUR LUGGAGE! At the risk of sounding discriminatory, London has many areas that are not accessible to those who are mobility impaired -- if you walk with a cane, brace, need a wheelchair, or other device, you will find London to be less than fun as much of the city is very old and simply not accessible to you. Besides, you want the chance to experience the dreaded "tube snot."

Remember: most things here do not have air conditioning and in the summer it's hot. I would suggest spring or fall. Winter is probably too cold for most people, especially since it will also be wet.

I have deliberately left off accommodation recommendations since a lot of that is personal preference. London happens to be home to Claridges, widely regarded as the very finest hotel in the world. If you can muster up enough cash to stay here for one night, you won't ever forget it. Let me put it to you this way: when they deliver your morning paper, they iron it for you.

Except as noted to the contrary, everything recommended here I have personally experienced, so I am confident in the suggestion. I have many things yet to do, and many things I've done that I'd not recommend. In short, if it's here it's great! For your convenience, I have listed the nearest tube stop in blue lettering.

Museums:
Most of the public museums are free nowadays. A few still charge.(A word of warning: The Sherlock Holmes museum is really boring. I wouldn't suggest it unless all the other museums are closed and it's your last remaining choice -- or if you're a huge fan.)

Victoria and Albert or the V&A as it is called. (South Kensington) Lots of historical significance here. A quick walk to the Science Museum and the Natural History Museum.
The Science Museum (South Kensington) -- hi-tech stuff. I enjoyed it. This is my type of museum.From the science of space to the science of your body.
Museum of Natural History (South Kensington) -- dinosaurs, minerals, meteors, and stuff. Conveniently next to the Science museum.
Museum of London (St Paul's) is a fantastic museum not to be missed. Very well done. The history of London. Views of the original Roman wall that surrounded Londinium.
London Transport Museum (Covent Garden) is one of my favourites but if you're not into transportation this one isn't for you. Trains, busses, subways, trams, and all those fun things. (Closed for remodelling until late 2007)
Photographer's Gallery (Leicester Square) has some great exhibitions from time to time. It's well worth a look.
Tate Modern (Southwark + long walk) Depending on the exhibits, it's good. The building alone is worth the trip as it's a converted power station. Awe inspiring. When you leave, walk across the impressive Millennium Bridge and you'll be at Saint Paul's Cathedral.
If you like money, the Bank of England Museum (Bank) is interesting but open weekdays only during Banker's Hours. Lots of cool coins to see in addition to bills and manufacturing information. And a great gift shop for collectors. No free samples unfortunately.
Imperial War Museum. (Lambeth North) I thought I'd hate it, but I didn't. I loved it. There is an amazing exhibit on the Holocaust there (for 14 and older only) that will blow your mind. Very painful, I must say.
The most famous museum is, of course, the British Museum (Russell Square or Goodge Street) which is akin to the Smithsonian, and to be sure, you should go. But to be honest, I didn't think it was much better than average. The museum includes the Rosetta Stone among other things and some amazing Egyptian antiquities.
Museum In Docklands. (Canary Wharf or West India Quay DLR) What a cool museum about what one might assume is a dreary topic. It's not. I loved it. Quite a bit about the Thames and the Docklands area. And after I toured it, I found out it was part of the Museum of London which explains why it's so good.

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Other Attractions:
All attractions charge admission.

Westminster Abbey (Westminster) Don't miss it. Period. Everyone who's anyone is buried here. This building is from the 1400s and is the home to most of the rulers of England; greats from Chaucer to Shakespeare to Churchill. Awe inspiring in every sense of the word. (Across the street you can see Parliament and Big Ben. A few blocks away is #10 Downing Street.)
London Eye (Westminster) Way worth it. Get there first thing in the AM or be prepared to wait forever. Clear day only. Bring a camera to capture the amazing views.
St Paul's Cathedral. (St Paul's) -- not much to say except you NEED to see this. Like Westminster, this is awe inspiring. You may attend services here if you so desire.
British Library (King's Cross) Enter in through front door and go left to the interactive exhibits. See the very first Gutenberg Bible. Hear some of the most historic speeches of all time spoken by the original person. See Beethoven's own handwritten compositions. The Magna Carta, Declarations of War (WW1 and 2), Tolkien's draft of LOTR. Everything is here. Fantastic. Stamp collectors please note Penny Black is here -- straight to the back with the stamp collections.
Speaker's Corner (Marble Arch). Sunday Mornings 11am to 1pm only. The famous ritual in England where all the nutters come to speak on various topics and face merciless heckling from their audiences. (Allow 30 minutes tops)
London Zoo (Camden Town tube + bus): Kick ass. Not only do they have some unusual animals, they have an underground vault in which they keep nocturnal animals. Penguins, Bats, Meerkats, Otters, and the usual gang of critters. Early weekend AM is best or weekdays if school is in session. Limited tube service on some weekend days -- check before going. Return bus takes you to Baker Street tube.
Harrod's is listed under shopping (above) because it certainly qualifies as shopping, but it's definitely an attraction.
Tower of London (Tower Bridge). Get there Sunday Morning for the first tour. No lines to speak of at all. Take the first Yeoman Warder tour (1hr long and free with admission) and then after the tour, hot-foot it to the crown (drool!!) jewels. Not to be missed.
London Walks Tours The Ripper tour (take at night only, please) is the best and scary. Other tours are good. Select according to interest. Various tube stops as indicated in the brochure. Visit their official website for a complete list of available walks.
The changing of the guard (St James's Park or Victoria) is very popular, but I don't know why to be honest. I guess it's the history. I suppose it's something you should do once. It's at Buckingham Palace, of course. Check times as they vary according to her Majesty's schedule.
Portabello Road (Notting Hill Gate). Cool in-the-street shopping. Old curios, antiques, and such. FRI & SAT only (go early!) It's an outdoor flea market. Don't expect bargains though.
Madam Tussaud's Wax Museum (Baker Street) -- the original tourist trap. You've got to do it once just to see some of the way cool statues. Early AM please as the queues are horrendous. You probably won't want to go back, but it's worth it for one try.
The Greenwich Foot Tunnel is cool. You can see how people used to walk under the Thames to and from work in olden times. (Island Gardens DLR or Cutty Sark DLR) There's a DLR stop at each end so walk one way and you're done. Start at Islands and walk to Cutty Sark, which gives you the benefit of touring the area when you get there. You can also continue to walk through to the Greenwich DLR.
The Royal Observatory (Greenwich DLR). This is a not-unreasonable walk from the end of the Greenwich Foot Tunnel, so you can do it as part of the same trip.The Royal Observatory itself is not all that interesting, though it is worth a look for the views. The real attraction here is that Greenwich Mean Time starts here. You can stand right on the line under a cesium atomic digital clock. It sounds hokey but it's pretty cool, just like standing on the dividing line between two states or countries.
Thames Barrier (Pontoon Dock DLR). This is an amazing feat of engineering. Many thought it couldn't be built, and it was the subject of "Engineering Marvels" on the History Channel. It's also got a nice park to walk through. You cannot walk to the barrier and security is heavy, but if you've got the time and inclination, it's worth a visit. (Zone 3).
Abbey Road. (St. John's Wood). Walk to the famous Abbey Road studios, and you can take your picture in the same crosswalk the Fab Four used. Be careful as it's much busier than when they did it.
Old Operating Theatre. (London Bridge) Very macabre and gristly. The entranceway stairs are terrifyingly decrepit, and narrow. But it was a very enjoyable experience.
Further afield you can try Oxford -- a cool college town. Windsor is ok if you're into the royal castle and such. I think Oxford is of wider appeal and has more to see. You will need to check the trains. Thameslink is the train service you'll take for either destination. Times and fares vary.

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Shopping:
Many shops are closed Sundays even those in the tourist areas. In non-tourist areas, shops close much earlier than you're used to back in the States.

Harrods (Knightsbridge) -- if Harrods doesn't sell it, it doesn't exist was the old saying. It's not nearly what it used to be, but worth a shot. Other stores of renowned include Selfridges, Fortnum & Mason, Harvey Nichols, and John Lewis.
Piccadilly Circus tube exit at night after 7pm or so and walk towards Leicester Square tube. The night walk to take. Lots of cool things to see: both shopping and people watching in the area. For movies, the Leicester Square Odeon is where all the big movies premiere. UK movie theatres are reserved seating and be prepared for severe sticker shock at £10 or more per person. It's also a short walk to Trafalgar Square. You can make this a longer walk by going from the London Eye, across the cool metal bridges, and up the street through Trafalgar Square into Leicester Square and doing the walk in reverse.
Book Row as I call it. Exit at Tottenham Court tube. Go down Tottenham Court Road towards Foley's the second largest retail bookstore on the planet -- the first is in Oxford (via train). Continue down the street passing lots of smaller bookstores until you get to Leicester Square tube. (Forbidden Planet is the best Science Fiction & Fantasy bookstore on the planet but is not on Book Row any longer, having relocated to near Holborn tube on Shaftesbury Street.)
Virgin Megastore (formerly Tower Records) Piccadilly Circus: Lots of music you just can't buy in the USA. I'm continually impressed by this place. You may enter directly from the tube station and do not need to exit to the surface. Nearby is also an HMV stores. The main Virgin Store is near the Tottenham Court tube and not this location, but I like this one better.
Walk up Oxford Street to pass all the main shops and many department stores (and many of these are open Sunday). Exit at Marble Arch, go up the street until you're tired or until you hit Tottenham Court Road (passing Bond and Oxford Circus on the way). You'll pass Savile Row if you need a tailor.
Hamley's Toys is enormous and is just a few blocks from Oxford Circus tube on Regent Street.
Also a few blocks from Oxford Circus is Carnaby Street. Although it's not much now, everyone should say they were on Carnaby Street. Walk towards Hamley's down Regent Street. It's behind the Liberty store.
Lilywhite's is the unfortunate name of this store located in Piccadilly Circus. This is the largest sporting goods store anywhere. It's six floors and makes Sports Authority look like the men's room at the bus station.

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Food:
WARNING: Avoid ABERDEEN STEAKHOUSE PLC chain at all costs -- there are several restaurants in this chain, but they have the same look. It's unclean and very bad food; it's a health risk. Seriously; even the Travel Channel had a show about it. DO NOT GO. I unknowingly ate there and speak from personal experience. Now that we have that unpleasantry out of the way, we can move on. Whilst in England, there are a few things you might wish to know:

The English (excluding pubs) are much more formal. Everything is polite and proper with adults. Kids, it appears, have no manners in any culture.

Service here is much slower than the United States. At restaurants you will never get the check if you don’t ask for it. It’s called “The Bill,” so when you’re ready, ask your waitperson “May I have the Bill please?” Many establishments include the gratuity and some don’t. Check carefully.

Tap water is undrinkable there -- a really odd taste to it in my opinion. Always get a bottle of water at the table – “sparkling” or “still” as you prefer. If you order meat, many restaurants will not ask you how you like it cooked and just bring it to you how they think best -- medium-rare usually. Deal with it or make sure you specify how you want it done.

Smoking is allowed pretty much everywhere outdoors in the UK as well as in all pubs and most restaurants. Many don’t have no smoking sections, though this is slowly changing. Smoking is allowed in many places you wouldn’t expect like restrooms. Accept it, because you can’t change it.

Bunches of Grapes Pub: (Halfway between Knightsbridge and South Kensington). Traditional pub fare. Eat upstairs so you can breathe. A fine place to try the traditional Fish and Chips.
Patisserie Valerie.(Halfway between Knightsbridge and South Kensington) Not only do they serve a typical English breakfast, they have the finest croissants I've ever tasted in my life. The croissants are better than anything I've had in France even.(Everyone should have traditional English breakfast once: eggs, bacon -- it's Irish Back Bacon and not American Bacon, mushrooms, tomatoes, hash browns, and toast. It's the cholesterol surprise.).
Rules (Leicester Square or Covent Garden) The finest restaurant in England (not the fanciest). It's one of the oldest continuously operating restaurants in Europe and possibly in the world. Dickens wrote A Tale of Two Cities while he ate here and he's not the only famous diner over the year. Kings and statesmen aplenty ate here. All food is hunted and killed at their own private preserve. Reservations are a must.This is probably your number one must-eat experience.
Hard Rock Cafe. (Green Park) The original one is right here. They're all the same the world over. But it's neat to be the first.
Little Italy on Frith Street (walk from Piccadilly Circus) Fine Italian. Reservations suggested. Do not confuse with other places with the same name. (Closed for remodelling until Summer 2006)
Pasta Brown is a chain, but the food is good so if you need somewhere safe, look out for these. Pizza Express is a serviceable chain as well. I'm sure you can figure out what they serve based on their names.
Although I've not eaten at Simpson's-in-the-Strand (Covent Garden, Charing Cross, Leicester Square, or Embankment), all accounts indicate it's kick-ass and second only to Rules. This is a formal restaurant and jacket and tie are required for gentlemen. Reservations a must.
Geales Fish Restaurant (Notting Hill Gate). Great place, really. John Cleese hangs here too.
For fast food, there is a new chain called EAT that is remarkably good, has a decent value for money compared to everything else, and has locations scattered all over town. Not as cheap as Sainsbury, Tesco, or M&S but still a good bet.

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Theatre:
(Most theatres are near Leicester or Piccadilly Circus -- otherwise known as the West End)

Mamma Mia: Classic mindless drivel set to Abba tunes. Kitschy and fun. You'll be stuck with the tunes in your head forever. You are the dancing queen, seventeen....
Avenue Q. The famous "dirty puppet" play. That may sound simple, but it's so much more than Sesame Street Porno. You really should see it. (See blog review)
Mousetrap: Another good one to see (Agatha Christie) in only for the fact it's been running for over 50 years (as of 2006) and is the longest continuously running play on Earth.
Plus there's the usual lot of rotating Andrew Lloyd Webber: Phantom of the Opera and Cats being his best if you feel you must see Webber.
Les Miserables was born here at the Barbican before moving to the West End. Everyone should see this period opera at least once.
Billy Elliot. I can't say if all Americans will get this play or understand it. But it's an amazing work of art. I highly recommend it to everyone. It's been called "The Best British Musical Ever" and I have to agree -- it may be one of the best pieces of the theatre ever. This work of art is phenomenal. See it. (See blog review)
Plays change seasonally and you'll have to wing it, though there's always something in addition to the classics. If "Dinner" or "Art" are playing, they're quite good.

Language:
The Queen’s English and American English are not the same language. Do not ask for a napkin in a restaurant because they will ask you to leave. (A Napkin is a Tampon. A dinner napkin is called a Serviette). Do not ask for the bathroom because they’ll laugh hysterically. You want the toilet or “gents” or “ladies” or WC. Nobody there has any idea what an Eggplant is; you want “Aubergine”. If you’re a druggie and ask for a joint, you’ll get a roast beef. If you ask for a Macintosh you’ll get a raincoat.

In short, you might want to have a copy of ISBN 0-902920-60-X and read it before the trip. There's also a website of some value in this regard. It’s a suggestion because you’ll have no trouble without it, but it will save you some embarrassing moments. Another good website for comparing our cultures and language is effingpot.

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Guidebook:
Dorling Kindersley's book "London: Eyewitness Guide" is the ONLY tour book you need. Period. Just search at your local stockist, and be sure the issue you have is no more than one year old. Current edition is ISBN 0756615461 and is for 2006.

If you want some reading that captures the essence of London, I suggest "smoke: a London peculiar" -- a wonderful magazine about which I have blogged.

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Walking & Driving :
When you walk, drive, and whatnot it will be on the opposite side of what you’re used to. It also means to look the OPPOSITE way when crossing a one-way street. Your first day there, you will forget at least once and have at least one near-death experience. Do not jaywalk in the UK. It’s frowned upon.

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Manners:
The English always apologize giving the illusion of politeness. They never say excuse me. "Sorry" is the official apology after you’ve caused offence or "Pardon" or "Pardon Me" if in advance such as you need to get by in an aisleway. If you bump someone, you say “Sorry,” but if someone is blocking your way it’s "Pardon Me."

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Money:
Money is simple. There are 100 pence to a pound sterling(£). All coins and bills are different sizes and colours. Money is called out “four pounds fifty” which means £4.50. You may use your ATM card here if you have a four digit PIN, however your bank may charge you an excessive fee for international ATM use, so check first. Stick with the credit card for the more favourable exchange rate. Traveller's checks are not advisable.

All prices include all 17.5% VAT taxes. Save all receipts for anything you buy that you do not consume whilst there and you may be entitled to a VAT refund on departure. More importantly, in the event of a customs dispute on arrival in the USA, this is your only proof you’re right. You are guilty until proven innocent. $800 per family maximum duty free. Many items -- especially foodstuffs -- are prohibited, so check before buying.

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What To Wear (Clothes) :
Clothing in the UK looks the same as in the US and Canada, but some things aren’t the same. You won’t see sandals anywhere except maybe at the beach. Shorts are relatively rare. T-shirts are common and sometimes are even considered fancy if plain (no writing at all).

Overall, people dress more formally, at least inside London itself, than here. A typical day out for a Briton would be business casual for us. At theatre proper attire is still common though not generally required. Jeans are not common except as day-wear, and even then they’re not seen much except in the touristy areas. Eschew jeans.

Button down shirts for gents and a proper blouse for ladies are the order of the evening. During the day a rugby or golf/polo shirt will do. Slacks all around or khakis or a smart pair of cargo pants (not the baggy type) also work. A sweater (jumper) over it all will work wonders at night -- weather permitting. Summer visitors should be reminded there is no air conditioning in most places (hotels, stores, restaurants) and the tube can be especially unbearable.

Although Britain has become more casual recently, that simply means you don’t need a tie and coat. Short sleeves are pretty much unwelcome at many higher-end restaurants even in the dog-days of summer. In the winter, it’s still very formal and proper dress will be required. Restaurants here are more than happy to turn you away with un uplifted nose if not dressed properly.

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Mobile (Cellular) Phones:
Will my cel phone work in London? If you are a US/Canadian resident, the answer is complex. If your carrier is T-Mobile, the answer is yes. If your carrier is anyone else, the answer is maybe. Most US carriers operate on the TDMA or CDMA networks. Europe uses GSM. Although US carriers are offering GSM service now, most phones do NOT have this multi-mode capability. Further your GSM phone must operate on the European GSM frequency which is different than the US frequency. In short, check with your carrier. (Also check your rates. T-Mobile is around 99 cents per minute for UK calls while the others are $1.50 per minute or more.)

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